Sunday, December 6, 2020

 

THE PROS AND CONS TO HAVING KIDS TWO YEARS APART

When are you having another” seems to be a fairly common question after you have the first baby. So many mamas are always asking, “What is the best age gap in between babies?” With my kids being 10 months and 3 years, I can now say its a good time to write this.

The short answer to this common question is that there is no right or wrong answer. Rather that there are pros and cons to ever age gap in between siblings. I am writing this post now but I am sure I will write it again in a few years once I have a bit more experience under my belt. I was very nervous when I found out I was pregnant with my daughters been 19 months at that time but God has a funny sense of humor. 

Kemi is 3 years and Dayo is 10 months and they are 2 years 2 months 24 days apart.

PROS

1.) Closeness in age // I love that they will be close in age and able to grow up in the same schools together. They are close enough to play the same games/sports/etc. I am a bit worried for when they are older and gang up on me, but I can worry about that later on….

2.) Your older child won’t remember life as an only child // Kemi has adapted really well but has her moments when seeking for attention. It was a bumpy the first few months  (when she first met him she said “mama let me hold him”) but she soon started to love him more than anything. She wakes up every morning “Where’s Dayo”?! Looking forward to them growing together and doing almost everything together. I enjoy watching them play it just melt my heart even though Kemi is not yet ready sharing her toys. I truly believe that encouraging early play with your sibling is one of the best things and allows them to learn how to share early on.  

3.) Embrace the effing craziness // If you wait too long, you forget about all the craziness that a baby brings into your life. If you stack them together not very close oh lol), you never know what hit you! 

4.) You can keep them both on somewhat of a schedule together – including sanity time (NAPS)! // I have successfully put both kids down for a nap in the afternoon around the same time. Dayo is such a great sleeper so it make it so easy for me. 

5.) You don’t know any better // if you wait for a bigger age gap, you’re likely to enjoy things like

not having to change a diaper

sleeping through the night

nights away from home (it’s easier to bring them to grandparents, etc. once they are older)

etc.

Once you’re freedom is gone, you don’t miss it after awhile! (or at least that’s what I keep telling myself)

6.) The help you gain from others // This may happen with larger gaps as well but I can’t speak for those. BUT, I can’t tell you how many times I am struggling with the baby and trying to carry a toddler and people just flock to you to help. It’s like they know you’re about to lose your shizz and they come running to your rescue (little angels here on Earth).

CONS

1.) Diapers x 2 // You are changing two babies instead of one (although I was so blessed that Kemi was potty train by 18 months and was fully ready when her brother arrive ) and this makes going out anywhere a bit of a challenge. You need to have both sets of diapers on hand at all times and figuring out how to change them both while out in public always poses a bit of a challenge. If only we have 5 sets of arms instead of 1…?

2.) “Helping” // Kemi  LOVES to help, which is great in theory but in actuality it just means more for me to do  Which I don’t mind at all since it makes her feel important and part of the party, but I can do without 25 wipes all over the floor and diapers undone and thrown behind the couches  

3.) Right back to number 3 of the “pros” // You are IN IT. Yep, those sleepless nights, they are pretty much continuous for YEARS. But hey, you’ll miss it when they are moving out of your house when they’re 18, RIGHHHHT?

4.) You’re either pregnant or a milking cow // Yep. We lost our first baby October 2016 and 4 months later I got pregnant with Kemi and when she was 18 months I got pregnant with Dayo I haven’t seen or heard from my own body since 2016/2017. With green in your daily diet and water you will feel yourself again. You may not get your old body back, common you birthed a whole human being. Please don't be hard on yourself.

5.) Kiss your $$$ Buh Bye // Yep, this thing will cost you some serious dough.  Just think about enrolling them in dance, swim lesson, school, daycare, etc. With having a girl, you want to dress her cute and that lol. Prepare to watch your money fall out of your pockets faster than ever before!

6.) People think you’re cray // BECAUSE YOU ARE.

I truly believe that the 2 years age gap is just perfect. Most importantly it give your body time to recover and get your nutrients back before having another baby. Lastly, I personally believe it’s more difficult from 0-1 than 1-2. I say this because from 0-1, this little person is going to change your entire world and switching everything around as a single person who can wake up at any movement and rush to the store or focus on a career or other things compare from 1-2 where you have already adjusted and going with the flow of this new life. 

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Growing Our second Baby Boy

Growing Our second Baby Boy

Sunday, May 3, 2020

Finding out we were expecting another little boy was one of the highlights of my pregnancy. Having a baby after a rainbow baby makes everything so clam knowing that the same God who took me through the last pregnancy will continue to do the same. It was a quiet Saturday, while sitting on the crouch I heard a small voice saying to me "peace". I didn't think much into it. An hour later I came across the name "Shiloh" and I decided to see the meaning. I heard the voice saying "that what you are going to named your  boy child", later did I know I was already pregnant. I just smiled, saved the name on my note on my iPhone and just kept it moving.

Way before, I remember people asking me if I wanted a boy since we lost our first, deep within I wanted a boy but I would always say I want a perfect healthy baby and the "Will" of God should be done. Weeks later, I found out I was pregnant and it was all surprising to me.

At my second doctor appointment he mentioned that I didn't have to see a specialist even with my history of pregnancy lost. I told him that I had lots of sonograms visits with our rainbow baby (Kemi) visits and saw a maternal  specialist through out, he said I was perfectly healthy and all the test came back great. I felt a little hesitant. While going to my car, I heard the voice saying again "peace". Knowing the human mind I was still restless till my next sonogram visit.

During the visit when I saw the baby he gave me a peace sign and I started to cry. This was the assurance that God is and will always be in control. From that moment till delivery I had peace my entire pregnancy. 

I heard the tech say, “It’s normal!! It’s a boy!!!!” 

I simultaneously felt tremendous relief at learning that our baby was healthy and also not shock at finding out it was a boy! 'Jeremiah 29"

I thought about it that day the more I just knew that having a little boy was exactly what we needed, and exactly what I’d been too afraid to admit to myself that I wanted so desperately. Obviously a healthy baby is all I really wanted, but having another little boy but more importantly on earth-side is just so perfect for our family.

I first felt this baby kick at 14 weeks. A whole  two weeks earlier than I felt Bolu. This baby has such different movements than Bolu that I’m realizing just how much of their personalities how early on. He does a lot of  active bouts of strong kicks, while Bolu did a lot of wiggling and gentle nudging. But he sure does one thing that his big brother did, and that’s keeping his feet up in my right ribs. I first felt them there at 20 weeks, the exact week I first felt Bolu make contact with my right ribs. I panicked at first, but now that I’ve had of this I’ve come to realize this is one of those special things that my two boys will share. Like any siblings, they’re bound to have things that they do that are similar.

Interestingly enough, I can’t remember getting a single comment of “you’re so small” or “you’re so big” – the terms that I heard a lot of in my pregnancy with Bolu rather than this baby is treating you so well, you look so good.  It’s all about how much of a miracle this baby boy is and people’s reactions to my belly are more about him than me, and I love it. However, I grew like crazy. It’s true when they say you show quicker and faster with subsequent pregnancies. And I just love my big, round belly. It is sustaining a tiny human being and two pregnancies later this is still so amazing to me. It’s incredible what women’ bodies can do.

Towards the end of this pregnancy, I didn't feel any sort of anxiety in, I was so clam so at peace just needed the time to go by so fast because I was so exhausted. So far in this pregnancy after loss I haven’t seen much of it. I’ve been diligent with my self-care and good about getting regular exercise and taking things day by day, but if I’m being honest, it hasn’t been a struggle to keep the fear and doubt at bay. I’ve just felt so strongly from the very beginning that this child has a lot of living to do on this earth. This feeling has blessed us all with the ability to celebrate this baby in all of the same ways that we were able to celebrate Bolu. It’s true that there are a lot of things in pregnancy after loss that are bittersweet, scary, and triggering, but my heart and mind have naturally gravitated towards resting on the sweet side, finding peace in these times, and seeing the beauty there is in sharing some of the memories I created with Bolu with his little brother. Realizing that life is so precious and that no one is guaranteed a long one has helped us to make each day this baby is given special and allowed us to fill it to the brim with love.

And I live for this – all of it. After three and a half years, two babies, and 18 months of being pregnant I’ve spent a good portion of my late twenties and thirty growing tiny humans. If you’d asked me back in high school  or even college where I saw myself at this point in life it definitely wouldn’t have been here. But there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. Motherhood wasn’t something I always knew I wanted but when those two pink lines appeared with Bolu I realized I was made for it. It became my passion, my dream, my drive in life. Through mothering and running a business this whole maternal world is where I’ve found my calling. And so pregnancy will always be so magical to me – the beginning of my dream I’m living out, the one that brought me my two kids on earth-side.

When this birth was so close I had to respect that the very real trauma and grief that we experienced last time were starting to resurface. I know my family and friends were having excitement and joy but for me there’s this very real connection that the days leading up to life entering this world have with life exiting it too – in our world, birth and death are so intimately entwined. But I knew that this baby is not his big brother and that this birth will be it’s own unique experience. I’m having to make more of a conscious effort to remind myself of theses things – remind myself that all I have to do is believe that everything is happening exactly as it should and that God is and will always be in control. Between my incredible husband, my family, my friends, my doctors, my mama friends who have been through pregnancy after loss before, and my self care routine I have got the most incredible support system help got me and this precious child of ours through.

Thank you all for being such a big part of this journey, for following along, and for offering up so many words and prayers for peace and strength over these few years  Our family of four is so grateful!

Sincerely,
Earlinda

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